verb (used with or without object),trans·mut·ing.
1. to change one substance,form, or condition into another; transform.

Transmutation is a naturally occurring process of energy. It is also the definition of alchemy. The entire philosophy of alchemy is based on turning lead into gold. When the energy of universal love meets lower vibration energies, the lower energies are transmuted into the energy of love. Alchemy may have been pure mysticism rather than chemistry.

When we intentionally breathe in love, we change the energy of our heart space. Our shoulders and belly relax. We notice time slowing as we slow.

The process of change can be quite daunting. When we realize that transmutation is occurring constantly within and around us, it makes our process easier, more simplified.



There is never anything to be upset about. Humans are born. Humans die. Animals are born. Animals die. There is cruelty and suffering throughout the world.

We can do whatever we can to end the cruelty, depending on our power and position. We can focus pointed attention toward ending the suffering of all sentient beings. Focusing our attention in this way is often called prayer. Praying is thinking. It is a powerful process when we put our energy into it.

Getting upset does nothing except waste and distract our own focused energy.

When I stop paying attention to what I feel in and around my body, when I lose touch with my senses, I feel agitated, irritated. Irritation, physically, emotionally, energetically, is the root of inflammation, which causes much illness and disease.

The only solution I’ve found is to breathe, intending to soften and open to the anger; to keep opening over and over again, the anger washing out of me, leaving rainbows in its place.


I’m trying not to smoke anything.

I long to hold a smoking implement in my hands. To pull it toward my lips and breathe in the gases, feeling my juices flow forcefully in bursts of excitement and rage. To feel my head become slightly dizzy and my body settling into relaxation. Breathing hard and deep, breathing in something tangible, watching the smoke exhale from my lips in patterns of swirls and square dancing routines.




It amazes me how much we focus our energy and attention towards comfort. Our cell phones, handheld devices, and computers provide constant stimulation and distraction. We rarely allow ourselves time to do nothing, rest and recuperation. When we find ourselves surrounded by the beauty of nature, we can take time to breathe it in. But what about riding in the car or throughout our daily routine, what are we avoiding? The only thing that comes to mind is emotion. We are uncomfortable with whatever emotions are brewing below the surface. Perhaps we hold ourselves in the same pattern through this avoidance. If we allow ourselves to sit and breathe when nothing is going on, when we are bored, perhaps we could transmute those emotions and progress on to something new.



I had a hysterectomy in 2008. Now, without a uterus and cervix, I will never be impregnated or carry a child. I made the decision to have the surgery when I was psychotic. Not grounded in the decision, I grieve often for the loss of never having children.

Women are having children at older ages. I always feel a glimmer of hope before remembering my barren-ness.

I made the decision because I had endometriosis and believed my eggs were no good because of my own mental illness which runs in my family, sadly. Ten years later, I’m still working toward acceptance. Or perhaps, for the rest of my life I’ll shed a tear for the children I never had.




As a coming of age event for anyone born and raised in south Florida, at the age of 42, I have been diagnosed with my first melanoma. I had expected the needle biopsy results to be negative, as usual. It took over a month for me to receive the call. Then they told me over the phone that the biopsy was positive for melanoma. That left me a solid two weeks to panic, fret, worry, and, finally, accept the diagnosis.

I didn’t post anything about it on facebook or my blog because there was no need to freak out the whole family and my loved ones until I had talked to the doctor. Well, today I got to see the doctor. The biopsy results are that it is a superficial, contained melanoma, caught very early. The center of the site is melanoma. It can all be excised.

The site is actually inside my Chinese dragon Taoist tattoo. My tattoo will have a missing piece, the dragon’s head and tail connected by sutures, his body removed.

But, you might be thinking, you go on vacation to Franklin, North Carolina, in just a week. Well, this is where the story turns funny (thank God for that). The doctor decided with us that we would do the surgery tomorrow morning, when they happened to be able to fit me in. The stitches need to be removed in two weeks. So my mom will remove them. Seriously. We’ll be practicing some local Appalachian medicine.

My belly swirls with the warm comfort that all is well. We are truly blessed. Amen.


Chiropractic Care

I’d been wanting and needing to go to a chiropractor when I saw an ad for one on fb offering a new patient special. $21 for x-rays and treatment plan. I’ve been treated by chiropractors several times but never had an x-ray. I got to look at x-rays today and my right leg is over an inch shorter than my left leg. That’s the cause of the pain. I’m going to need an orthodic for the short leg.