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barren-ness

I had a hysterectomy in 2008. Now, without a uterus and cervix, I will never be impregnated or carry a child. I made the decision to have the surgery when I was psychotic. Not grounded in the decision, I grieve often for the loss of never having children.

Women are having children at older ages. I always feel a glimmer of hope before remembering my barren-ness.

I made the decision because I had endometriosis and believed my eggs were no good because of my own mental illness which runs in my family, sadly. Ten years later, I’m still working toward acceptance. Or perhaps, for the rest of my life I’ll shed a tear for the children I never had.

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